Auntie Therapist's Radically Relentless Self Care - "Because these Workplace NARCS are Not Gonna Kill Me!"

My theory behind relentless self-care is that it’s a primary protective factor designed to fortify your level of resilience against the debilitating workplace trauma that you experience as a high-performing black woman. Relentless means never ceasing. Self-care is your implied commitment to putting YOU first because “gurl…those dusty ass NARCISSISTS at work are NOT gonna kill you on my watch”.

If you still need a reason to commit to your self-care in addition to your declining mental health…Black women report experiencing work-related racial trauma at higher rates than other groups, with studies showing over 60% personally affected by racial trauma in the past year and nearly half experiencing racism most often at work. This includes higher rates of microaggressions, lack of support, bias, and retaliation. They are also more likely to face physically demanding and dangerous work, overrepresentation in understaffed and under-resourced sectors, and increased risk for mental health issues. 

• High Impact of Racism: More than 60% of Black women have experienced racial trauma in the past year, and nearly half say they encounter racism most often in the workplace. 

• Increased Microaggressions: Black women experience a greater variety of microaggressions compared to other women of color. 

• Lack of Recognition and Support: They are less likely to have their work recognized or for managers to advocate for their opportunities, leading to feelings of being unseen or not measuring up. 

The National Institute of Health reports that work-related stress and posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) are higher among Black adults relative to their White counterparts. Trauma exposure is not the only connection to increased risk for PTSD, as work-related stress is highly associated with risk for PTSD. Recent research underscores the need for culturally responsive trauma-informed public health interventions for working Black adults. Public health practitioners should be alerted to the relationship between work-related stress and PTSD among working Black adults and the potential contributing factors (alcohol abuse, depression, and major discrimination). Special attention should be given to working Black women with their worst PTSD status and major discrimination experiences, which demonstrated a greater effect on the relationship between work-related stress and PTSD.

Committing to putting some time and effort into counteracting the debilitating impact of workplace assaults on your contribution, efforts, and reputation sends the message to your brain that you are NOT a victim trapped defensively in your brain's trauma responses of fight, flight, or freeze. It’s essential to understand that choosing the “fight” response is not just speaking up or staying enraged at your mistreatment, which both have increasing negative consequences. Fighting back by taking control of your mental and physical health by first understanding and acknowledging that you have been traumatized and then taking action to do something to reduce the stress impact and mitigate the impact of future workplace trauma. 

I believe that Radical Self-care for high performing Black women is an act of Rebellious self-preservation, sort of like a fuk you and your dysfunctional reaction to my excellence at work! Further, it’s empowerment against work-related micro/macro aggressive pressures, encompassing mental, emotional, and physical well-being through holistic practices like therapy, tribe/community connections, spiritual grounding, and setting boundaries. Most importantly, involves cultivating self-compassion, recognizing and nurturing one's needs to avoid burnout, and reclaiming one's identity and worth through intentional, life-giving practices. You’re sending yourself the message that “YOU MATTER”.

Again, here’s a review of why self-care is essential for high-performing Black women…

• Systemic Oppression and Burden in the Workplace: Black women often face unique organizational pressures (constantly changing rules and performance expectations for us) and organizational cultural barriers (micro and macroaggressions), leading to emotional dysregulation (anxiety, rage, and depression) and physical depletion (mental exhaustion). 

• The Super-Performer Expectation: This is an expectation that Black women have of ourselves to be strong and resilient (the super sister syndrome), often leading to overworking, neglecting our own needs, resulting in a cycle of denial, exhaustion, and burnout. 

What does Auntie Therapist’s Radically Relentless Self-Care Look Like?

• Not Feeling Like You’re Losing Your Damn Mind: 

• Trauma Does Not Heal Itself

  • Therapy and Support: Stop trying to muscle through by yourself. New eyeglasses and hair will not fix your traumatized brain and dysregulated nervous system. Seek support from therapists, coaches, and community tribes of other high performers. 

  • Self-Compassion: Allowing vulnerability by admitting that you are exhausted, disappointed in, and heartbroken by your employer/supervisor/co-workers. Give yourself permission to rest and begin to heal. 

  • Emotional Release: Acknowledging and expressing feelings through journaling, crying, or even screaming into a pillow to release stress. 

• Physical & Holistic Practices:

  • Movement and Rest: Engaging in exercise and prioritizing adequate sleep. 

  • Nature: Spending time in nature, walking barefoot, and watching the sunset or sunrise.

  • Healthy Habits: Eating a balanced diet and engaging in mindful practices like deep breathing. 

• Setting Boundaries:

  • Protecting Your Energy: “Stop casting your pearls to swine”, giving your all, time, or access to those who have communicated repeatedly, you are NOT valued.  Strategically create space for yourself by setting FIRM boundaries with work, relationships, and other people and circumstances that subtract vs. add to your mental health.  

• Mindfulness and Spirituality:

  • Spiritual Connection: Returning to or increasing a practice of prayer, worship, and utilizing spiritual practices that are restorative.

  • Mindfulness: Practicing present moment awareness and simple breathing techniques to regulate thoughts and emotions in the middle of your workday.

How to Begin a Radically Relentless Self-Care Routine:

• Commit to yourself with the same fervor you commit to helping or saving other people: 

• Start by making a promise to yourself that you are important enough to prioritize. 

• Schedule It: Treat self-care as a priority by scheduling it into your DAILY, weekly, and monthly calendar and budget.

• Be Mindful of Your Emotional State: When work gets under your skin, take a few moments to take a few deep breaths and identify your feelings. Determine what you need in the moment to address your current state, take a break, take a walk while doing a walking prayer- “Dear Lord, please help me keep my job today because I want to punch someone in the throat”, put in your earbuds with some gospel music or jazz. etc.

• Build a Self-Care Toolbox: Create a list of enjoyable activities to choose from when you're feeling overwhelmed or bored. 

• Seek Support: It’s more than okay to acknowledge your need and then to ask for help when feeling traumatized; it’s called adaptive behavior vs. maladaptive options such as pretending that you are fine. Don't be afraid to ask for help from professionals or those in your life who understand your high performer DNA. Be wary of all-knowing and judgmental family and friends whose ill-informed critiques are far from helpful.

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