Hey Santa! All I Want for Christmas is a Mentor Who Looks Like Me

Gurl, it's Christmas, and as a High Performer, you've already been nice, not naughty. As a result, you're supposed to be able to just tell Santa what you want for Christmas, and it will be under your tree on Christmas morning. Regarding work and career, most of us just want the same gifts/presents, i.e., "PRIVILEGES" that our mediocre performing co-workers have, such as access to good leaders who can provide us with quality mentoring and coaching. However, as you have disappointingly discovered, as per usual.....that's not exactly how it plays out for high-performing Black women.

Workplace research consistently confirms that there is a significant lack of mentorship opportunities for high-performing Black women, which poses a major barrier to our everyday survival and career advancement. This very real and very crippling deficit is a result of societal and organizational systemic issues, not a lack of interest or talent on the part of Black women. 

However, my clients have already solved this problem, so I thought I'd share their solution with you the very same way that earlier this year I announced to 25,000 new followers on TikTok, "Bish, I thought you knew that what was happening to you at work was workplace TRAUMA".... (and I found out that you didn't know).

At a critical point in your work life or career, if you can’t find a mentor, you can HIRE ONE, which is how many of my clients came to invest in performance coaching services. After we resolved their original workplace trauma issues and I’ve equipped them with some resiliency strategies, they now check in for an hour each month for mentorship, performance coaching, continued workplace trauma recovery, and leadership development. 

Here’s why you might need to consider another way to solve the problem in the NEW YEAR of not having access to a decent, trustworthy performance coach or one who understands your journey as a high-performing black woman.

A key Harvard study: How a lack of sponsorship keeps Black women out of the C-suite, makes the case. “The findings underscored the difficulties Black women experience in attracting corporate sponsors. Of the 116 Black women who were originally recruited for the study, 10 were screened out after they indicated that they either lacked or had lost sponsorship, and a number of others dropped out for other reasons. Moreover, Black women who did identify a sponsor were three times less likely than white men to have their sponsor complete the survey, thus precluding them from being incorporated into the research data.

While these results may seem surprising given these women’s high-ranking organizational stature, they’re consistent with the results of a 2015 study by Coqual (formerly the Center for Talent Innovation). Coqual’s research said that some Black women are determined to “go it alone” in the hope that their capabilities and track record will stand on their own merits. Others are simply unskilled in building or connecting to an advocate. Yet, studies show that gaining a performance coach or a sponsor is one of the primary ways to overcome organizational reluctance to take a risk on promoting a black woman to a key position.”

Key Barriers to Mentorship:

The First/ Only/One of a Few: The organization's executive C-suite lacks ethnic/gender diversity and does not provide suitable candidates who reflect or will understand our experience. 

Lack of Access to Senior Leaders: Many Black women have never had informal interactions with senior leaders, which are crucial for forming the types of relationships that lead to mentorship and sponsorship.

Affinity Bias: People tend to gravitate toward those who look and act like themselves (similarity-attraction paradigm). Since top leadership positions in corporate America are predominantly held by white men, they are more likely to informally mentor and sponsor other white men.

Over-mentored, Under-sponsored: While Black women may find some kind of general mentoring, they are less likely to find effective sponsors who advocate for their promotions and create opportunities for them to showcase their work.

Mentorship Burnout: The small number of Black women in senior positions often face overwhelming requests to mentor, leading to burnout, as they carry a burden their white colleagues do not.

Negative Experiences: Black women report challenges such as jealousy-driven microaggressions, toxic leadership mentoring experiences, difficulty finding mentors who share their cultural background, and insufficient institutional awareness and support for formal programs.

Lack of Culturally Responsive Mentoring: Black women often prefer mentors who share their lived experiences, which can help navigate racial and gender biases and workplace trauma in the workplace and provide relevant support and strategies. 

Addressing this issue requires a systemic, top-down approach that goes beyond informal networking and realistically speaking, will never be realized within your career lifetime. 

In the meantime and in between time, why not do what high performing Queens do best?… solve problems...you know, the ones our mediocre co-workers and underperforming supervisors can’t see, foresee, or figure out what the hell to do about.

Instead of waiting on the white folk to address our workplace challenges, such as the workplace trauma caused by a lack of access to confidential assessment and advice/support that you can trust, why not HIRE YOUR OWN DAMN MENTOR? That’s what my clients do. They check in once a month for strategic performance coaching on issues like “Help me, my supervisor is an asshole (a narcissist)”OR Help me, Auntie! I'm on a PIP". Every single one of them will tell you it’s the best $50 a month they could EVER invest in themselves. (Oh yeah, if you doubt my qualifications as an executive performance coach, go read my website bio.)

Just so you know gurl, “hiring" supervision is a strategy that mental health clinicians use all the time when our organizations fail to provide free mandatory supervision hours that are required for us to attain licensure. We hire a licensed clinician outside of the organization for one hour per week. I've done it myself. High performers NEVER let lack of access to something stop us from reaching our goals. 

Other Potential Solutions and Resources

Formal Sponsorship Programs: Organizations can implement formal, intentional sponsorship programs that pair high-potential women of color with influential senior leaders to ensure equitable advocacy and access to opportunities.

Institutional Responsibility: Companies and academic institutions must create inclusive cultures and allocate resources to support the retention and advancement of Black women, rather than leaving the burden of retention entirely on Black women themselves.

Dedicated Mentorship Programs: Various organizations offer programs specifically for Black women and girls to provide dedicated support networks. Lean In provides research and resources for women of color. Catalyst offers support systems for retaining Black employees. You can find information on other programs through resources like MadameNoire's list of mentorship programs.

Building Support Systems: Creating "counterspaces" and support systems built by and for Black women can provide a safe environment to share experiences, receive validation, and develop career strategies.

As supported in the aforementioned research, as high performers, when we don’t have a choice, Black women do what we ALWAYS do...  try to power through alone. But Auntie is well known for CALLING OUT unnecessary "SUFFERING. I just wanted to remind you that you don’t have to. 

Merry Christmas, Beloveds. 

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